ROSIE <3

Courtney Love’s got a new-found penchant for 3000-word MySpace blogs addressing everything from re-touched pap shots to vicious celebrity gossip and just, you know, her general day-to-day life and shit. They’re epic, rambling, occasionally incoherent works of genius. In a world of diluted, inexpert celebrity gossip, where anyone can publish an opinion as fact, her blogs are gospel. When Sharon Osbourne recently accused Courtney of giving Jack drugs, there was no need to wait a week to get a response from “a close friend” in Heat. Here’s Courtney!

sharon knows thats NONSENSICAL but she was too cowardly to pick on Elton who shes apparently vicious about behind his back . Ive never heard this then again we dont... hang . Desperation or someone on a kamikaze mission- ? ..hmmmmm? . and Madge who she must just be scared of-=she just avoided that one. hmmmm. the plot thins. love the kids. Love Kelly love Jack love the dad, hell i even thought her and i were fine but she m ustve been sooooo scared and desperate to pull that one outta her butt, cos its just so insane Thous shalt not bear false witness. ESPECIALLY ABOUT CHILDREN! i Feel sorry for her that she resorted to such abusive lies . I hope she learns a little more about karma. bless. Sorry but,when it comes to kids i just cannot no comment.

Vets don’t get this close to the horse’s mouth. It’s of-the-moment brilliance.

But this outpouring of what Cult Of The Amateur author Andrew Keen calls “mass exhibitionism on an unprecedented scale” has a peculiar side effect: unwanted obsessions with random celebrities. A personal aside: a Courtney Love fixation, however fresh, is to be expected from a former grungekid steeped in hopeless Hole nostalgia. But in the name of flannel shirts and babydoll dresses, I never expected to be saddled with a Rosie O’Donnell addiction.

But Ro, dear Ro, I cannot stop reading about you and yours on the internet.

There’s the magnificent rosie.com blog, a cryptic splurge of quoted song lyrics, haiku-style advice, tabloid-gossip denials and cultural recommendations. I know that Rosie loves Joni Mitchell and Sharon Osbourne (her again!). I know that she’s spiritual (“ATONEMENT / at one ment / at one with God”). I know that she wasn’t being mean when she turned down Oprah’s interview request (“although fueds seems 2 b all the rage / there isnt one / regardless of what u read / or see on fast food tv”). And I know she’s into Amy Winehouse, because she posted a video of herself singing along to Rehab.

It’s not the blog, however seductive, that makes this a daily staple. There are others out there. Courtney could have stolen her thunder. But then I discovered Ask Ro, her daily Q&A session, the mouth-agape gossip-fodder that positions Rosie as a politician-messiah-martyr-mother deity who will tackle anything, for anyone. See:

For writes:
My mom gave up pills & shrinks & took up religion. Then killed herself after a lifetime of battling mental illness. When a person loses all hope, empathy is key & political stance matters a damn.
love 2 u

And another:

Bridget writes:
Do you ever let the kids go tubing behind your boat? Those are my best memories as a child.
oh yes

And one more:

Lee writes:
Call me stupid…I love the sound of sea gulls.
me 2

Posters don’t just want love and advice. Ro even tackles the hate mail, of which there’s a considerable amount:

Stella writes:
Hey RO,
if you tried more religion, you could give up pills and the shrink, u & millions of selfish libs
oh stella

The withering “oh stella” says it all. In fact, I’m worried about Rosie. I’m worried that she’s sacrificing herself to take on this mammoth communication task. She sounds weary. I might send her an e-hug.

That concern for Rosie O’Donnell’s well-being is now part of my life is a testament to the power of blogs. She’s made her story indispensable for people who didn’t know they cared. And this is the future of celebrity – indiscriminate fascination for endlessly blogging celebrities, constantly raising the bar by revealing more and more about their psyches. It’s why Lindsay Lohan’s barely literate, well-meaning letter about Robert Altman’s demise is much more intriguing than an anonymous report on another DUI arrest. Time will tell, but Rosie O’Donnell could be in the process of reinventing fame. And I’ll be reading about it as it happens.