NAUGHTY AOL :(

I’m half way through the excellent book How Sassy Changed My Life: A Love Letter To The Greatest Teen Magazine Of All Time (henceforth referred to as: snip it, wordy!). With all the anecdotes about Kim Gordon, Spike Jonze and fighting the religious right through make-up advice, kind of, it makes me wish I was in My So-Called Life, wearing floaty grunge dresses, swooning at Jordan Catalano and subscribing to Sassy, which I’m not sure Angela did, but she obviously would’ve, in the nixed second series.

This loving homage is inspirational because it showed that a genuinely cool mag could shift copies and make money. But maybe that’s why I haven’t been able to get to the end, when those wholesome dreams are crushed by big bad corporate things.

Ah, well. There’s no point in hopeless nostalgia, especially when the future’s all online and that. I’m into AOL’s teen site Red. Loving that inspirational content…especially The 20 Ugliest Celebs…

Hrngh! Hrngh! Hold up. Mariah Carey’s at number 20, and nobody puts Mimi in a corner. And who’s that? Kelis? Courtney Love?

Let’s look at their reasons, and despair for our youth.


KELIS: Holy hell ... Kelis is not bringin' any boys to the yard looking like that. There have been rumors that she is really a man, and quite frankly we are thinking something's not right with this chick. Every time we see her she has her mouth open and looks like she's ready to eat us. She's scary. Next time we see her, we are looking for the Adam's apple.

COURTNEY LOVE: Talk about a total trainwreck. This woman is about as ugly and classless as it can get. Courtney Love is quite frankly a donkey. We cannot even find anything slightly redeeming about her. Maybe if she gets help for the drug abuse, then she can work on cleaning herself up. But it's going to take A LOT of work!

Polyester smells libel… come on, C-Love, get the lawyers out.

But I’m OK with it. I’m just going to move on and tuck into… Celebrities Without Make-Up and Worst Celebrity Smiles. Teen AOL, you are awesome. Rebecca

[via Defamer]