MOTHER TERESA: "GOD = :("

Shocka #1: Mother Teresa was not down with The Almighty.

Shocka #2: Mama T invented emo in 1956:

"Such deep longing for God and ... repulsed empty no faith no love no zeal ... Heaven means nothing pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything."

She is so going to guest on the new Fall Out Boy album.

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TODAY WE LIKE: LATE OF THE PIER

On the Polyester playlist this fine morning:

Late Of The Pier - Bathroom Gurgle

As usual, it is over there.

And here is the artwork.



And here is their website.
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PROSSIE HEELS

What do you buy the prostitute with everything? A pair of sat-nav safety wedges, of course. The Aphrodite Project has built a prototype shoe that’s a safety device, an advertising tool and a killer pair of heels.

The ‘Platform 001’ comes with noble intentions. The heels hide a multitude of handy features like an alarm wired straight to local police, a hidden compartment for money and keys, a screen that links to a ‘problem client blog’ and even a fully-functional GPS system.


But our favourite feature is the built-in screen’s secondary purpose: ‘promotion’. There’s a demonstration of how you can upload a nice video of flowers and statues, along with your phone number, so you can advertise your services while simultaneously engaging in them. Not sure exactly how that works, unless you’re hanging your feet out of a car window…

OK, OK, so it’s a “social sculpture”, and is making a point rather than touting itself as a viable product. But still, wouldn’t this be brilliant on Dragons’ Den? Rebecca

[The Aphrodite Project, via ShinyShiny]

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REASONS TO LOVE FRANCE #1

From Reuters:

“The illegitimate daughter of late President Francois Mitterrand is raising eyebrows in France with a novel that some accuse her of basing on a gruesome real-life case of child murder…”

Stories like that: yet another reason j’adore la France.

[via Yahoo]

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SNOOP'S DOGS

News trickles in of a planned 50 Cent diet product range (“Hey ladies, wanna look like a hulking beefcake of shot-up flesh and muscle?”), to add to his imminent “Formula 50 Glacéau Vitaminwater”. But, like much of Fiddy’s output, product endorsement has been done before, and better.

I give you… Snoop’s Dogg Pets.

The black Dogg-Father hoodie:



The polyester/cotton-blend T-shirt:



And the boom-box dog toy with sound chip:



A word of advice for G-Unit – stop ballsing about with beverages and get into animal clothing. Rebecca

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JOHN WATERS MASTERCLASS

Being in the right place and time for other people’s misfortune often pays dividends. Last Friday night (17/8/07), I ended up with two places on the John Waters Masterclass at the NFT in London. How pleasing that the original ticket-holders had injuries/troubles/problems too severe to leave the house etc.

The wisdom of John Waters knows no bounds.

I should’ve smuggled in a tape recorder or at the very least a pencil, but I was too busy sitting stock-still with a grin plastered on my stupefied face to think of it. I couldn’t move through sheer happiness, and despite seeming like the most important words ever uttered, well, I forgot a lot of what was said. But here’s what stuck in my mind.


Myra Hindley
“I swear the only reason she got as long as she did was because she didn’t get her roots done. She’d be out by now if she’d had her hair fixed.”

Lindsay Lohan
John said Lindsay should have gone to acting rehab, for the magnificently awful I Know Who Killed Me. He claimed that the latest breed of ‘troubled’ starlets don’t interest him because they haven’t done anything worthy of the attention. He prefers the likes of his own stars, such as Patty Hearst and Traci Lords. Paris/Lindsay/Nicole/Britney - you're nothing without armed robbery/underage porn to your name.

Helicoptering…
John said he wanted to cover a new sexual practice in every movie, and explained that he was still discovering fetishes. The gay bar in Pecker, for example, recently started allowing its go-go boys to dance with erections – hence teabagging turned into helicoptering.

…and blossoming
But that’s nothing next to blossoming – the fetishisation of anal prolapses. Pictures are swapped online, and men compete for the biggest ‘blossom’. Ouch.

Baltimore
Of course Baltimore took up a lot of the evening, but one anecdote stands out. John recalled talking to a man in a bar, and after a while he asked him what he did. “You want me to tell you?” asked the man. “Yes,” said John. “I swap deer meat for crack,” replied his companion.

The future of Hairspray
JW was very tactful on the new Hairspray movie, and praised everything from casting to execution. He also explained how schools are starting to perform the musical, and it pleases him because it means the fat girl and the boy who drags up are getting the lead roles. He went on to talk about how his mother told him about a local school production, “and it was an all-retarded school. I’d really love to have seen it. I mean the fat thing, the gay thing, they’ve been done. All-retarded versions will bring back the edge”.

Oh, and he’s really into K-Fed, and would like him to be in his next movie.

And he was ordained as a priest during the filming of Cry Baby, so he could marry Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder. Though that didn’t happen, he used his new ecclesiastical status to baptise Traci Lords.

It was pretty much the best night of my life. Rebecca

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NAUGHTY AOL :(

I’m half way through the excellent book How Sassy Changed My Life: A Love Letter To The Greatest Teen Magazine Of All Time (henceforth referred to as: snip it, wordy!). With all the anecdotes about Kim Gordon, Spike Jonze and fighting the religious right through make-up advice, kind of, it makes me wish I was in My So-Called Life, wearing floaty grunge dresses, swooning at Jordan Catalano and subscribing to Sassy, which I’m not sure Angela did, but she obviously would’ve, in the nixed second series.

This loving homage is inspirational because it showed that a genuinely cool mag could shift copies and make money. But maybe that’s why I haven’t been able to get to the end, when those wholesome dreams are crushed by big bad corporate things.

Ah, well. There’s no point in hopeless nostalgia, especially when the future’s all online and that. I’m into AOL’s teen site Red. Loving that inspirational content…especially The 20 Ugliest Celebs…

Hrngh! Hrngh! Hold up. Mariah Carey’s at number 20, and nobody puts Mimi in a corner. And who’s that? Kelis? Courtney Love?

Let’s look at their reasons, and despair for our youth.


KELIS: Holy hell ... Kelis is not bringin' any boys to the yard looking like that. There have been rumors that she is really a man, and quite frankly we are thinking something's not right with this chick. Every time we see her she has her mouth open and looks like she's ready to eat us. She's scary. Next time we see her, we are looking for the Adam's apple.

COURTNEY LOVE: Talk about a total trainwreck. This woman is about as ugly and classless as it can get. Courtney Love is quite frankly a donkey. We cannot even find anything slightly redeeming about her. Maybe if she gets help for the drug abuse, then she can work on cleaning herself up. But it's going to take A LOT of work!

Polyester smells libel… come on, C-Love, get the lawyers out.

But I’m OK with it. I’m just going to move on and tuck into… Celebrities Without Make-Up and Worst Celebrity Smiles. Teen AOL, you are awesome. Rebecca

[via Defamer]

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