THE TIT TAPE SAGA OF MIMI

The modern age is bewildering. War rages. Hysteria grows about crime and punishment. The climate’s shot to shit. And there are people who just don’t get Mariah Carey: a woman so ridiculous that she now has an assistant whose sole responsibility is taking care of Mimi's tit tape.

Why is she (Mariah, not the assistant - at least, not just yet) not being offered an honorary damehood, for services to the camp and surreal?

Remember, she needs somebody to hold her beverage while she sips, and rumours abound that she has an employee whose sole task is to change her tampon. I’d do that job, just to put it on my CV. Who cares if it’s not even true? Mariah makes it believable, and for that, she is awesome.

[via Hollywood Rag]

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REASONS TO LOVE JANICE #967

Calling Janice Dickinson “tacky”, Perez Hilton, is like calling Britney a headcase – it’s a lifestyle, yo. She thrives on it.

Here's Janice visiting the site of Gianni Versace’s murder:


If there was a religion centred around her batshit-insanity, with Tyra Banks voodoo dolls and Everything About Me Is Fake… And I’m Perfect as its holy text, I’d be out on the streets canvassing like a Scientologist. She is God.

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TWATTOOS

Everyone (OK, literally me and one other person on googlechat today) talks about Marc Jacobs’ boyfriend Jason Preston having his boo's logo tattooed on his forearm. Kind of weird. Kind of funny. Imagine if he shacked up with the head of Asda.

But Jase clearly has tat taste, because he’s just got a giant ‘Mariah’ inked across his tum – in honour of Mimi, obv:

“I grew up loving her, and now that I know her, I love her even more. I know I'll never regret it, so that's why I got it.”


Girl is fierce.

[via Jezebel, image via Perez Hilton]

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PROSSIE HEELS

What do you buy the prostitute with everything? A pair of sat-nav safety wedges, of course. The Aphrodite Project has built a prototype shoe that’s a safety device, an advertising tool and a killer pair of heels.

The ‘Platform 001’ comes with noble intentions. The heels hide a multitude of handy features like an alarm wired straight to local police, a hidden compartment for money and keys, a screen that links to a ‘problem client blog’ and even a fully-functional GPS system.


But our favourite feature is the built-in screen’s secondary purpose: ‘promotion’. There’s a demonstration of how you can upload a nice video of flowers and statues, along with your phone number, so you can advertise your services while simultaneously engaging in them. Not sure exactly how that works, unless you’re hanging your feet out of a car window…

OK, OK, so it’s a “social sculpture”, and is making a point rather than touting itself as a viable product. But still, wouldn’t this be brilliant on Dragons’ Den? Rebecca

[The Aphrodite Project, via ShinyShiny]

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FASHION: WEAK

You’ve got to admire a piece about kids’ clothing that declares “baby goes Bauhaus” with a poker-face. Good old Vogue’s Most Wanted Of The Week is onto the little ones and they want you to splash a lot of cash. It’s just so hard to know whether to choose between the £300 cashmere blanket...


...or the £400 embroidery of baby's most favouritest drawing.

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THE TAMMY FAYE NECKLACE

Ultimate televangelist Tammy Faye Messner’s recent passing must have put a dent in the world’s mascara market (if only from the drop-off in her purchases alone). Luckily, the woman and her slap have been commemorated in the form of the Tammy Faye eyelash necklace – containing real human hair.



Is it wrong to desperately want one?

[CoolHunting, via Jezebel]

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REASONS TO LOVE JANICE DICKINSON, #176

She probably covered up the “I’d rather” and “than wear fur” parts and walked around the city rounding up men.

[via Perez Hilton]

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